I am finally inspired to complete this post… It really has been a journey and I thank God he has seen me through it… I believe it is all this drama that has created a special bond between Muffin and
Life is really funny… I sometimes look at some of my friends in “Perfect relationships” and I wonder why I can’t have that… Then in not such a long time, the so called perfect relationship crumbles at the first sign of issues… It really isn’t possible to achieve perfection but it is acceptable to strive for it…
Ok... back to the main point… I really have a good mind to replace the title of this post to “The test of true love”… but I will let you decide on that one…
THE DRAMA STARTED AGAIN…
When muffin and I got back together… Things really weren’t as they were… I knew I loved him, but I just couldn’t open up again… He even noticed that I wasn’t as “everything” as I used to be… We spent some time together, but not like before… We fought more often than we loved… Then it began to seem like a whole lot of hard work… Perhaps, something within my spirit knew that things were not completely right with muffin…
I became really controlling and paranoid… I tried to control everything from how I felt about him to how he felt about me… and muffin is not the kind of man you can control… He really tried to make things right but it was just not happening…
UNTIL ONE DAY…I was speaking with muffin over the phone, quite late at night and then I heard a buzzer (not his buzzer)… I THOUGHT HE WAS HOME….
He then suddenly wanted to get off the phone… I knew something was wrong… I didn’t let him…
Then suddenly I HEARED THAT SAME MENACING VOICE… SAYING “SO YOU ARE STILL ON THE PHONE”… I WENT MAD…
I could not believe it… after all the drama… Muffin was still entertaining that fool…
Things were not even really working for us at that point so I thought what the hell… I don’t even care about you anymore… DO WHAT YOU LIKE… I WAS CRAAAAAAZZZIIIIEEE…
There were several calls and texts that were not answered; he eventually came over to my apartment the next day… TELLING ME SOME COCK AND BULL STORY, I REALLY COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT…
Anyway I decided to let go emotionally, but not physically… Obviously at the time, I did not think it would be close to impossible to achieve that…
Anyway, I kept on getting hurt… Muffin kept doing stupid things… Drama kept happening… I began to feel like the other woman because I was no longer emotionally connected to muffin… or so I thought and regardless of what I did or what muffin did… All I could ever think of was… “Muffin being with Psycho”… I know it is sick… but that was the only thought that kept clouding my mind…
Before I knew it, my once sky high self confidence was at an all time low… I started selling myself short… I forgot what I was worth… but I just couldn’t let go… TILL I WAS DEALT ONE FINAL BLOW….
I KNEW I HAD TO LET GO… So I did…
The final blow was in the form of Psycho x picking up muffin’s landline on the night of her birthday… At the time, muffin was on the way to his folks place…
Hmmmm… I really don’t know why I called his land phone that night after speaking with him… But I guess something somewhere was looking out for me…
At this point, I wanted to make sure that muffin really hated me and would never speak to me again… I wanted to cut him off in the worst possible way, so I said some terrible things to him…. Ohhhh Gosh, I cringe when I remember the things I said… and it was over…
IT WAS HARD…
It really was… He is the only man in the entire universe I have actually really loved… He is the only one I have had that real connection with… I am quite tough person… (Or so I would like to think)… but this was hard…
Muffin’s mum called me every other day to check up on me… I cried and cried like I had never done…. I never imagined I could cry soooo much for a man… I guess it was all a combination of how I had been a fool, the amount of drama I had been through for him, how much I still loved him but desperately wanted to hate him… The endless quarrels had come to an end…
SO I PRAYED…
I prayed to God to see me through… It was too hard for me to deal with all of that on my own… My heart could not handle it… So I GAVE MY HEART TO GOD…
After a while…. Things were good… I was finally happier!!
I had loving friends in my life… I was going out again, having the time of my life… Men professing undying love for me… AFTER THE FIRST DATE… lol
It was good… Muffin and I started talking again… I had forgiven him for everything… He acted very stupid… I acted very stupid… But most importantly all that was in the past…
Then the whole other drama happened that I mentioned in my 2nd post… The one that happened around my birthday… So we stopped speaking to each other for a while and then started speaking again… AS FRIENDS…
He would sometimes come over to my place and we would just talk for hours, it was great… I couldn’t deny the fact that even after all that drama, he still remained my best friend … He finally opened up to me ABOUT EVERYTHING… Sometimes it is very important to see things in a relationship through the eyes of being a friend, rather than as a girlfriend/boyfriend… It really makes you a very understanding person… I always gave him open and honest advice because at that point I really could not see us ever getting back together… TOO MUCH HAD HAPPENED…
I WAS WRONG THOUGH…
There was no one in his life and there was no one in mine… I knew he had a string of girls that were constantly calling him and even one that had even announced to the world that she was dying for him... (Seriously, in her words)… It was entertainment for me, cos we would sometimes use these girls to catch trips… He would sometimes let me pick up his phone when they call and pretend to be his wife and warn them… Some of the conversations were quite hilarious…
At this point, we were closer than we ever had been… He had finally gotten rid of psycho x, even though she still sent him Facebook messages sometimes telling him how much she still loved him and wanted him back….
He was being completely open with me…. To be honest I’m really not sure when we started dating again, it happened soooo naturally… IT REALLY JUST HAPPENED…
There were no conversations; we just knew we wanted to be with each other all the time… and to tell you the truth things have been great ever since…It’s been a year and a half and I REALLY HAVE NOT BEEN HAPPIER….
OFFICIALLY DRAMA FREE…. Thank God…
It’s so funny, because if I had a friend who went through half of what muffin and I went through, I would advice her never to go back to him… Sometimes it is very important to listen to your heart … and not people… Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like good advice, but only your heart can lead you in the right path...
Some people thought I was crazy… MY FAMILY AND FRIEND'S DID… But I knew what I had and what I wanted… Only you can tell if your man really loves you and if you have something worth fighting for… Psycho x has been cut off completely… No conversations… She has finally gotten the message…
I fought for love and I won…
Happy Thursday x x
2 comments:
Wow ur life shud be a soap opera..
So love really does conquer all..happy for u!
Thanks dear... I've even left out some of the more dramatic stuff... I hope to make it a book one day... lol
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